Sex, Practically
by Once Upon a Whim
Summary: Because the conversation had to happen eventually... Post 4.04, no spoilers for anything else.


**Sex, Practically**

**Because the conversation had to happen eventually...**

**Post 4.04, but I'm ignoring all the evil hand/deal with Gold crap from the episode. Perhaps we pretend he never got rid of the hook in the first place and everyone is living happily ever after following their adorable first date? Extra author's note at the end of the post.**

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**prac·ti·cal·ly**

ˈpraktək(ə)lē/

_adverb_

1\. virtually; almost

2\. in a practical manner

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Emma tore her lips from Killian's, breathing raggedly as he merely switched his focus to her neck, dropping heated kisses along the skin of her neck, heading towards her ear. "Oh my god, I need my own place…" she moaned softly, raking her fingers through his hair.

"Couldn't agree more, love," Killian mumbled against her earlobe.

Letting out a quiet groan as his tongue flicked her ear, Emma let her head loll back to rest on the fence behind her as he continued his assault on the left side of her neck.

In another time, another place, another lifetime, they wouldn't be in this position. For one, she wouldn't be living with her parents and newborn brother, and she would have dragged him inside after the first date for the nightcap she'd once been promised by his former self. Two… Well, no, it pretty much just that one issue.

They'd had their lovely first date, ending it with a kiss that promised so much more. In the few days since, they'd added a few more dates, including the family dinner they'd just attended with David, Mary Margaret, Henry, and Neal. Emma had insisted on walking Killian back to his room at Granny's, if only for a few minutes alone that weren't right outside her parents' loft. It was eye-rollingly cute to have the Polaroid shoved in her face for the first date, but her mother's treating every date since like another prom date was getting a bit much.

Plus there was… this. Him pressing up against her, pressed up against the fence next to Granny's, partially hidden by the shadows of the nearby trees. Making out like horny teenagers, for lack of a better description. Somewhere over the past few days, they'd graduated from not exactly chaste, but also not improper kisses, shared in the hallway, or in front of Granny's, to something a little more heated that held the promise of so much more…

With the number of times she'd already bemoaned the lack of privacy inherent in sharing a home with her family, Emma and Killian had arrived at the unspoken understanding that sex was going to happen. It was. It just couldn't really happen until she found her own apartment.

Even if her father was out, Mary Margaret still wasn't leaving the apartment all that often with Neal still being so young. And even if she did, it wasn't really for long enough to steal a decent amount of time to _do_ anything. Killian insisted that he already knew far too much about the other patrons of Granny's inn given the thin walls, and that he wasn't about to have half the town listening in on their future _dalliances_, as it were. Granny's was the only hotel-type thing in town. Normally, seeing as neither one of them would have had any problems crossing the town line, Emma would have just driven to the next town and gotten the mounting frustration out of her – and his – system a couple days ago. But the rather inconvenient ice wall trapping them in Storybrooke was proving to be a rather daunting and unwanted chaperone in that sense. And it wasn't as if she'd never made do with the small space of the Bug or even some secluded area of the woods or beach, but seeing as she was on the other side of law enforcement these days, public indecency was probably not the best idea. Throw in the fact that if they gave into that particular temptation, the other member of the town's law enforcement that would be arresting them would be her _father_… No.

So they were stuck being left breathless and unsatisfied daily, relegated to some slightly improper touching in the shadows before parting for the night.

Pulling away from yet another searing kiss, Emma panted, "I see 2 more apartments tomorrow." She'd already visited a few, but they had been kind of run down. As much as she wanted the whole process over with, she couldn't exactly just take a shitty apartment with a year lease just so she could finally have sex…

"Not soon enough, Swan," Killian growled in her ear, pressing her to the fence again with his hips.

She bit back another moan, the hard ridge of his arousal obvious as he leaned into her. "We could just go upstairs?" She offered half-heartedly, knowing it wasn't going to happen.

Killian stilled, his hips remaining flush with hers as his hook rested near her waist, his hand cradling her jaw. "Emma, you know with those paper thin walls and the two wolves about, with their hearing and tendency for gossip, I may as well just have my way with you on the counter in the diner for all to see." He grinned rather wolfishly himself, his one eyebrow raised teasingly.

"Ugh, I know," Emma groaned, looping her arms around his neck as she sagged against him, defeated and frustrated.

"And I don't intend to share you," Killian finished, mumbling into her hair.

Emma cracked a grin and pulled back slightly to look him in the eyes. "Me either."

He smirked back at her before leaning in to capture her mouth again, their tongues dueling sensually together, gentle tugs of teeth on bottom lips from time to time.

It was torture in the best sense: her able to feel his hardness pressing into her, him treading dangerously close to cupping her left breast over her clothes, her daring to go so far as to dip her hand a few inches below the back of his waistband to dig her fingers into the toned but soft flesh and pull him ever closer to her, him being so bold as to run his fingers up the front of her thigh, coming oh-so-close to where he might start to get a sense of the damp heat gathering between her legs…

In the back of her mind, Emma had the fleeting thought that it was a good thing that he hadn't agreed to move upstairs, since she hadn't thought to run up to her room to grab anythi-

And suddenly another thought occurred to her, even as Killian's kisses began a tempting trek down her neck towards the deep V of her shirt.

"Killian," she interjected softly, pulling her torso back from him ever so slightly.

"Swan," he murmured into the crook of her neck, undeterred.

A breathy giggle escaped from Emma's mouth before she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back gently. "Hang on a sec."

The sight of him breathing heavily, lips red and swollen from their kissing, and eyeing her with heavy-lidded eyes was almost enough to make her lose her train of thought and jump him right there, indecent exposure be damned.

"Am I not keeping you adequately entertained?" Killian asked huskily, resting his forehead on Emma's as he let his thumb drift over her clothed nipple, a barest teasing brush.

"No," she stammered, "…yes, more than adequate," she admitted, her breathy response mingling with his as their lips hovered enticingly close.

With a grin, he replied succinctly, "Good," before pulling her into yet another kiss.

Mustering whatever little willpower she had left, Emma reluctantly pulled back from him yet again. Putting some space between them, she deliberately captured his hand, lacing his fingers with her own to prevent any further, ahem…_distractions._

Even with their bodies separated a bit, Killian was not deterred, opting to catch her belt loop with his hook and tug her closer yet again.

Emma squeezed her eyes closed, mustering what resolve she could, and placed her free hand flat against his chest to keep him at a safe distance. "Hook…" she warned softly.

She almost broke when she heard the closest thing to a whimper from the erstwhile infamous Captain Hook. "Swan…" he protested.

With a soft smile, Emma gave his hand a squeeze. "You know this is as far as we can really go anyway. For now… Maybe we should talk…"

"Talk," Killian repeated flatly, a hint of questioning tone in his voice. "Not about the weather, I presume?"

Emma smirked. "No, not exactly…" Her gaze darted around before she finally looked him in the eye again with a shrug. "It's kind of a mood killer, actually, but it's important."

Killian's response to that was a moderately concerned frown, so Emma continued, attempting to reassure him, "And if we don't kill this mood, well, the diner might get a show after all," she joked casually.

That earned her another questioning eyebrow raise.

With her holding him at arm's length, literally, and him waiting for her to elaborate, she had to just bite the bullet. "So," she started, before dissolving into an uncomfortable laugh, "Jesus, I don't even know how to explain this, I don't even know if the Enchanted Forest had…" she trailed off, no longer talking to Killian but rather wondering to herself.

After another beat of silence, Killian nudged her. "Just get on with it, love."

Emma crumpled her face, probably looking more like a kid faced with eating broccoli than a grown woman staring sex in the face. Finally taking a deep breath, she spit out, "In the Enchanted Forest, was there such a thing as diseases... there?" She finished her question stiltedly, with an awkward wave towards the general vicinity of his (still rather uncomfortably tight looking, she noted) crotch.

She cringed when Killian stammered, not quite able to form words, though out of confusion or something else, she wasn't quite sure.

"Like that you could catch from _being_ with someone," she added leadingly, "…I don't know… _unclean_?" She tossed another gaze meaningfully downward.

Emma knew from experience that there wasn't much that could bring about an embarrassed blush on the pirate's cheeks, but she'd clearly managed it.

His fingers released their grip on hers to scratch behind his ear as he ducked his head. "Ah, I suppose there were some… uncomfortable _afflictions_ one could acquire..." he admitted haltingly, before adding, "Swan, I assure you, that's not the case here."

She smiled softly, feeling a tinge of heat color her own cheeks as his gaze met hers again. "I know," she assured him. "But, sometimes there aren't always symptoms, and you don't know you have something, and I know you had your… _dalliances_ with bar wenches…"

She'd begun a bit of uncomfortable rambling when Killian jumped into defend himself, "Well, I-"

Emma bit back a laugh as she rolled her eyes incredulously and deadpanned, "You tried to add me to the collection."

That earned her a second bashful flush, his head ducking again as he tugged on his earlobe.

"I'm not mad," Emma giggled, "I mean, it's not like I'm some virgin angel either," she reminded him with a snort. "You've met Henry; he didn't just show up by stork." She shuddered involuntarily at the next thought that entered her brain, unbidden. "…I slept with a flying monkey. Guh…"

She caught a cringe that likely matched her own cross Killian's face, before he looked up at her again. "Let's forget about that bit, shall we?" He asked, before continuing, "So what exactly are you proposing?"

Emma sighed, wishing they could just go back to the kissing part… "Two options," she said matter-of-factly. "Well," she corrected, "one should happen anyway, but the other one could work for a while in the meantime."

Killian merely eyed her quizzically, waiting for her to continue.

"They're both modern," she hedged, almost apologetically. "This realm. I don't think you're going to like them..."

"Well, at this point, Swan," Killian chuckled, "I haven't the foggiest idea what you're taking about, so, come on, out with it," he coaxed.

She took a deep breath. "So there's this thing called a condom…"

Killian nodded attentively, repeating flatly, but with clearly no sense of understanding, "Condom."

"It's..." Emma wracked her brain, trying to continue. How do you explain such a thing to someone essentially from medieval times? "…like a... balloon?" she attempted lamely, figuring that would help much either.

"Balloon?" Killian asked, brow furrowed.

"Or a wrapper…" Emma shrugged. "No..." Then it struck her. Obviously. "Sheath!" she exclaimed, perhaps a little too loudly for their current locale near Granny's. Quieter, she explained further, "It's like a sheath. For a sword… But for..." She trailed off meaningfully, gesturing yet again down towards his nether regions.

Finally Killian's eyes widened in skeptical understanding. "You put this device on for use during…" he inquired hesitantly.

Emma shrugged, not enamored with the idea either. "Yeah."

Suddenly his hook was tugging her closer by the belt loop again, Emma's breath catching in her throat as he growled in her ear, "Darling, I know you've not been part of that many sword fights, but surely you know you take the sword _out_ of the sheath to use it properly..."

She couldn't help but recall an old conversation taking on entirely new meaning suddenly. "…and when you jab me with your sword, I'll feel it?" Emma murmured breathily, a shiver running down her spine.

Killian pulled back ever so slightly, just enough for her to see the recognition dawning on his features. "Indeed, love," he promised, his gaze intense before their conversation dissolved yet again into a round of heated kisses, moans, and whimpers.

A few moments later, Emma managed to gather her wits again, panting as she placed both hands on his shoulders, forcing him away. "Wait wait wait wait..." she admonished. "Okay, yeah, I figured that wouldn't go over well. But basically, it keeps you on your side, me on my side," she explained. "I can't give you any… _monkey pox_ I might have," she added jokingly with a disgusted grimace.

Killian gazed at her intently, taking the opportunity to smooth her mussed hair with his hand. "So I wouldn't be able to properly _feel_ you?"

Emma winced, already knowing he wasn't a fan of the idea. "Uh… no?" she admitted reluctantly.

"Swan," he replied, resting his forehead on hers, "I think you know my feelings on this device you speak of..."

"Right," she sighed. "Uh, the other option requires a trip to the hospital."

She could practically feel his unpleasant facial expression. "Bloody hell."

"It's not that bad," she tried to reassure him hurriedly, knowing that his hospital experiences thus far had been less than pleasant for him. "They take your blood-" she tried to explain.

But she got cut off. "They take my _blood_ away?" He exclaimed, a combination of horror and confusion tingeing his words.

That got a small chuckle from Emma before she jumped to elaborate. "No, no, no, just, not _all_ of it. Like a little bit. And they test what's in it. Probably a urine test too."

His face wrinkled in disgust at that as well. "How the bloody hell do they plan on getting _that_ from me?"

"You pee in a cup," she said hurriedly, "It's fine."

He quieted, but raised his eyebrow skeptically yet again.

On a roll, Emma figured she might as well just get it all out there. "And they might do a physical exam," she said, dropping her gaze meaningfully to below his belt. "I'm not quite sure for you," she admitted with a shrug. "I've only been on the women's side of it."

Killian eyed her warily and pressed himself to her yet again.

Emma hissed, their conversation clearly having had no killing effect on his mood, as it were. Despite her best intentions to finish the talk, she felt her hands reach for him, running up his back, pulling him even closer.

His face only a breath away from hers, he whispered huskily, "So someone else will be manhandling my manhood before you do, lass?"

She felt her eyes flutter shut as the tease in his words. And she didn't mean to, not where they were, but she found herself unable to stop herself from dropping her hand between their bodies, cupping him through his jeans for a brief second before slowly raking her nails up the rough denim covering his length. "I'll get there eventually…" she breathed.

Killian let out a strangled moan, his head dropping to her shoulder as his hips bucked toward her hand. "Bad form, Swan…" he mumbled.

Emma yanked her hand back up to a more PG location, offering a contrite "Sorry" as he lifted his head up to look at her again.

"They just test us and make sure we're clean," she said, reverting to her campaign to convince him to acquiesce to the testing. "Then you don't need the sheath..."

"I do like the sound of that..." Killian admitted with a wicked grin before pressing his lips to Emma's once more.

She sighed into his mouth, relaxing against him again.

But then he pulled back. "About that sheath though..."

It was Emma's turn to look confused. "What?"

"Well," he began haltingly, still holding her close. "I suppose there is one likely benefit of such a barrier, if I'm surmising correctly how they work."

Emma tilted her head questioningly, not sure what he was getting at.

"I'm supposing your brother is the only infant your family feels necessary, love?" he asked leadingly.

"Oh," she stuttered, realization dawning. "Right," she confirmed. "Uh, yeah, you're right, actually," she repeated, nodding. "Condoms - sheaths - are for that too."

Emma almost laughed at the silence that followed; she could practically see the gears in his brain working out a cost-benefit analysis of condoms versus just pulling out, which, she assumed, is pretty much all you could do in the Enchanted Forest.

Before he could come up with any sort of reply, she nudged him out of his thoughts with an impish grin. "But, uh, I, something you'll probably actually like about this realm..."

He couldn't know where she was going, but he seemed more than excited to hear what she had to offer. "Do share, lass," he urged.

She bit back a smile. "There's this pill I take every day, chemicals," she began, purposely speaking slowly, teasing, "and it means no babies. No extra infants," she reiterated with a smile, "Sheath or not."

Killian's face lit up into a wide grin as he shook his head in disbelief. "And you people try and tell me this is the bloody land without magic."

A full-fledged laugh burst out of Emma at that as she collapsed against him, pulling him into a tight hug.

Of course, like everything else that evening, the hug didn't exactly remain innocent. Quickly, yet again, Killian was nipping at her lower lip, coaxing his way into her mouth with his tongue as he pulled her hips flush with his.

"Emma?" he pulled away, breathless.

Her chest heaving as she caught her own breath, Emma asked, confused, "Yeah?"

"Bloody get your own apartment," he hissed, before meeting her lips again.

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**I know this may not have been to everyone's personal tastes, but practical and modern as I am, as sweet and lovely as it is to have all these fics that show them just falling into bed without a second thought, my brain over here in the real world just sometimes gets stuck. Pirate got ****_around_**** between Milah and Emma! I don't care how pretty he is, after a history like that, he'd need to show me a clean bill of health before he got near my lady parts, ha. I figured given her own past (Hi, Henry!), Emma might be even more likely to be rather careful nowadays. I've seen a few stories that deal with this topic in a Killian-versus-modern times way, which I love, but I felt this was even more appropriate now given they seem to be headed that way anyway but currently have their hand(s, ha!) tied by the housing situation.**

**Anyway, here's hoping some of you enjoyed :)**


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